A Lovely AlmostWerewolf
by FanTube
Summary: The quiet best friend of Lily Evans and Severus Snape with scars on her neck seems to have caught the eye of the Marauders. What happens when she falls for the beloved Remus Lupin? As an animagus who was almost turned into a Werewolf, what will happen to this beautiful girl in her final year at Hogwarts? Not a good summary, but give it a try! Remus/OC
1. Ch1 Secrets

**Secrets**

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**Disclaimer: I only own my OC Amelia. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

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**Please review to let me know if I should continue. I'd very much appreciate to know some opinions. :)**

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I walked down the corridor with my best friend Lily Evans, my nose in my latest muggle romance novel, Wuthering Heights. She was ranting (yet again) about James Potter and his "insufferable" obsession with her. I already knew the rant by heart, and there was no need for me to stop reading something I've never read before just so I can hear the thing I've already memorized for

the hundredth time.

"Anyway," she said, pulling me by my arm down the Charms corridor. "We have to get to class before we're late."

And then she began her next rant about how she hates being in the same classes as the Marauders. When we walked into the Charms classroom, we took our assigned seats next to each other, only a few rows from the four Marauders.

I honestly think that she secretly didn't mind. Not that I'd ever say that. That would just bring on a whole new rant of hers.

As Professor Flitwick began the class, I hid my book under the top of the desk, still reading.

"How isn't she in Ravenclaw?" I heard from behind me. I glanced back to see Sirius Black looking at me, but leaning over to James as if he's talking with him and I wasn't meant to hear.

"I don't know, why don't you just ask her?" he said back to him. I rolled my eyes and went back to my book.

The truth was, I wasn't in Ravenclaw because I did read school books and all, but I preferred the romance as opposed to never ending knowledge. But that was why I preferred muggle romance novels. No one here knew what they were, so they couldn't label me as the "hopeless romantic" that I was.

Well, unless they're muggle born, but I was friends with so many of them that most of them just thought it was cute and left it alone, realizing it was meant to stay a secret.

The truth was, the reason I loved romance novels so much was because I felt as though it was the closest thing I could ever get to real romance.

There was no way that anyone could really ever love me.

You see, I would be considered very pretty. I had pale skin, some slight freckles dusted across my nose, strawberry-blonde wavy hair that reaches my mid-back, bright green eyes, and I was pretty thin although I had some small curves.

The only thing was, I was an unregistered animagus. My form was a wolf. This wouldn't be a bad thing, however, the summer after second year, I was running through the forest and had a run-in with a werewolf. I ended up with slashes across my neck and stomach, which left rather obvious scars.

I suppose a lot of people actually thought of it as no big deal. Some people thought it was really cool that I had those scars. Others thought it gave me personality. Although not one of them knew where they actually came from. Although they all had different theories. Well, Lily and Severus knew the real reason, but they hadn't told anyone.

But I was really so self-conscious about them that I hated being up-close and personal with people. I shouldn't feel like that, I know. But I do.

To be honest, I've had seven boyfriends (the longest relationship being two months) and I've been on dates with others, but... The scars aren't the only thing that made me scared to be with people. I never quite felt me when I was dating or when I had a boyfriend. I wanted someone who I could feel natural and like myself with.

But I never felt quite like the real me even when I didn't have a boyfriend or a date.

I don't know how to describe it, but I always felt like I was wearing a mask. Like I wasn't me. I knew I wasn't supposed to be as introverted as I was, but there was nothing I could do about it. After I was attacked that summer, everything got weirder for me, and thus I became very introverted.

I wasn't a werewolf, trust me, but I wasn't quite me. For example, how do you think I heard Sirius whisper to James from two rows away? My senses were heightened and let's just say I prefer my meat on the pinker side. Even more so than usual because now it wasn't just a matter of my wolf animagus, but now I was given extra attributes associated with a were. And there were times during the full moon when I'd hear howling coming from outside and I couldn't help but go outside and run around in my wolf form.

One night I even ran into a werewolf out in the woods. Of course, I was able to get away based on the knowledge I had gained from my past were-encounter. Although I had to admit it was a little strange. There was a big, black dog, a stag, and a rat following him. I still have dreams about that night that remind me of how odd that was and make me question what the heck that was about all over again.

So, as I sat in my first class of the year, thinking about my scars and how much I wished I could be normal, I had a price of paper thrown at my head from Potter's direction. Given that I had heightened senses, I caught it when it was an inch from my head.

Crap,

I thought. I looked around to see only the Marauders looking in my direction. They all looked to be rather shocked, meaning that unfortunately they had all seen. I pretended it didn't happen as I opened the crumpled piece of paper.

I've always wondered why you weren't in Ravenclaw.

Sirius Black

I rolled my eyes again. As if I'd tell him the reason as to why. But I scribbled a reply back anyway.

Oh, have you?

Amelia O'Grady

I tossed it back to him so it hit his desk and turned back to finish my chapter. The paper hit my desk, between Lily and I. I sighed before looking at it again.

Yes. Would you mind to explain?

P.S. How did you catch that?

I hesitated. I could just tell him it was because the hat saw it most fit for me to be in this house. It wouldn't be a lie, and it's what most people assume anyway.

The hat saw me most fit for this house.

P.S. Luck I suppose.

I threw the paper back at him before attempting to read my book again. It hit my desk again, and Lily sent a glare back at the Marauders.

But you always have your nose in a book, and you're smart and quiet... You really do seem like a Ravenclaw.

I rolled my eyes. What was he doing, trying to get me to transfer into Ravenclaw or something? But there was something in the back of my mind that said no, he really just doesn't understand you. I decided to tell the truth, more or less.

It saw my path as more successful down this way. Besides, I tend to read books that aren't really informative, but more muggle fairy tales. Like The Tales of Beedle the Bard, only the muggle version I suppose. Why does it matter to you all of a sudden, anyway? I've never even spoken to you or your friends.

I sent the paper back at him, turning back around, forgetting about my book, knowing I wasn't about to get anywhere with these notes going about.

I guess that makes sense. Besides, who doesn't want to be a Gryffindor? ( That was a rhetorical question.) But I guess you could say I've... Taken an interest to you, if you know what I mean.

I sighed. I didn't need this right now.

That's wonderful, Black.

I sent the paper back to him, pretending to listen to Professor Flitwick. I heard James sniggering at my response.

I know you're hiding something from me, Amelia. And believe me, I will figure it out.

I stared at the paper for a moment before responding.

Have fun trying.

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Lily gasped. Our first day of classes were over, and we were sitting in the Gryffindor common room. I told her Black was on to something.

"Does he know about-"

"Lily, I don't need you spilling my secrets to the whole of Gryffindor house, now do I?" I said calmly, cutting her off.

"S-sorry," she said glancing around the completely full common room, spotting the Marauders on the couch, quite obviously listening to our conversation.

"It's fine, let's just save this for later tonight. When no one is sitting on the couch listening to our conversation," I said looking right at them.

"Oh, come on, Amelia," Black said. "I'm sure it's not that bad. Just tell me... Pleaseeee?" He whined like a dog, making a puppy-dog face.

Not bad?

I thought. _I'm an animagus that was attacked by a werewolf. I have not only the wolfish qualities that comes with the animagus form, but I have the cravings to go outside every full moon like a were. I have qualities about me that were given to me by a were. The scars on my skin were from a werewolf attack. Not a big secret? Yea, okay._ I grinned in my wolfish way. I knew they had a secret as well, and believe me, I knew it was a big one, whatever it was.

"Only if you all tell me yours," I said. All of the Marauders looked at me now, not just Black.

"It's not the same," James said.

"And tell me, Potter. How exactly do you know this?" I asked him, an eyebrow raised.

"I just do."

I rolled my eyes. No. He doesn't. I'm basically a half-werewolf. And there was nothing I could do about it. I was willing to bet that secret was just as good - if not better - than any secret they could come up with.

"Well then," I said. "I guess we're both going to have to stay mysteries to each other."

I got up, motioning Lily to follow me up to the girl's dormitory when I was stopped.

I looked back to see Remus Lupin. He was standing, a hand on my wrist.

"O-or we could become friend and learn to trust each other," he said. I looked at him, surprised.

There was always something about Remus that had me intrigued. I was drawn to him ever since I had first seen him. I was never sure why. I'm _still_ not sure why. But when he said "we could be friends," I was tempted to take him up on that offer. I looked at the rest of the Marauders, and they looked as surprised as I was.

Remus was similar to me. Quieter than most, a bookworm of sorts, kind of shy, he always seemed so exhausted... He really was quite similar to me. But the thing I never understood was my temptation to get closer to him and my want to know every detail about him.

I snapped back to him.

"Why would you want to do that?" I asked, my eyes and mind back 100% to him and him alone. My wrist tingled where his skin was touching my clothing, and I was entranced by his light brown eyes.

"I don't know," he said, seemingly as entranced about me as I was him.

"Maybe... Maybe it wouldn't hurt," I said.

"Maybe," he whispered.

Someone cleared their throat and we stepped away from one another. I didn't realize how close we were to each other. Remus let go of my wrist, and I have to admit I was a little disappointed.

When we snapped back into reality, we looked at the person who cleared their throat. It was Black, who was smirking, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Well, so... You want to become friends all of a sudden?" he asked, still smirking.

"W-well, I suppose I don't see why not," I said.

Lily was complaining rather loudly about how this was a "really, really bad idea, Ami, the _last_ people you want to know about a secret like that is those Marauders," but for some reason, I felt like if there was anyone I wanted _to_ know about a secret like that, it was those Marauders.


	2. Ch2 Leave Me Be

**Leave Me Be**

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**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1 (Secrets)**

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**Here's chapter two! I hope you enjoy!**

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It was finally November, and even Lily began hanging out with the Marauders. James had stopped asking her out every day, so she didn't mind hanging around as much although she and I would both get flustered and angry when they pulled pranks on Severus and we'd end up storming away behind him.

Although I was much quieter about it than she was.

While she was screaming at James (and sometimes Sirius as well) for it, I was helping Severus get situated and glaring at them. A few times, I accidentally let a few growls escape from my throat, but I don't think any of them heard me over Lily's screaming.

As a seventh year (and as Head Boy), James was expected to be civil and kind to people. Even stopping people from doing things like what he was doing to poor Severus. Instead, he was just as bad as ever, only now he had a title as well, which added to the size of his swelled head.

Although I had to admit that his harassment toward Severus has gotten much less extreme than it had been in previous years.

But at the moment, I wasn't with any of them.

I was in the library by myself for the first time since who knows when, working on a particularly interesting Potions essay on a particular potion that I felt was intriguing.

Wolfsbane.

We were able to choose what potion we wanted to write about and surprise, surprise, I chose the one that allows a werewolf to keep its human mind during a full moon. I had to wonder if it would help me resist the temptation to go outside into the Forbidden Forest every month at the full moon.

Although this was a fairly recent discovery and very hard to find any information about, I thought it was one of the most intriguing discoveries in quite some time.

I was writing about its effects on the mind of the werewolf when I heard footsteps that seemed particularly familiar approaching the table I was at.

"Hello, Remus," I said, not even bothering to look up.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked me. I looked into his brown eyes.

"Lucky guess," I said. "Do you wish to join me?"

"Sure, I don't see why not. I still have to finish that Potions essay Professor Slughorn assigned yesterday."

"That's exactly what I'm doing," I said, grinning.

"Really? What are you writing yours about? It may give me some inspiration. I don't have any idea as to what mine's going to be about." I hesitated. I didn't want to give anything away about what I was.

"W-well, you could write about Felix Felicis. That er... Luck potion he told us about in sixth year," I said, covering my essay.

He eyed me suspiciously.

"I don't know," he said. "What are you writing about?"

I tried to act as casual as possible when I told him it was Wolfsbane.

"It really is intriguing. It's a new potion that er allows a... Well, a werewolf to keep his or her mind when it transforms. It doesn't stop the transformation, however, they will be in their human mind," I explained. He stared at me for a moment.

"They?"

"The - the werewolf."

"Yes, but you referred to the werewolf as 'they' instead of 'it' as most people would have when they spoke of a werewolf," he said. I stared at him sternly for a moment.

"Don't tell me you actually think they don't deserve to be looked at the same as any other human. They can't help who they are. It's a part of them. It's painful for them, they're often outcasts. It's barbaric how they're-"

"No, Ami, no," he said. He put his warm hand on mine, gazing into my eyes with a look I had never seen directed at me before and my own gaze turned to a surprised one. "I think it's great. It's how I wish everyone could see it. It's... Admirable."

My heart skipped a beat as I looked into his eyes that held so much sincerity.

I couldn't do this. I was all but one of them. One of the werewolves. Maybe I saw other werewolves as only human because I had a certain understanding of them, but... I knew I could never really be loved. I couldn't really be cared about by anyone when I was like this.

Not even by the one I was falling in love with.

Not even by Remus.

I looked into his bright brown eyes. They were as tired as mine were, although I was the one who decided to run around the Forbidden Forest all night the night before and ended up being chased by the same werewolf I ran into a few years before.

"I-I have to go," I said. grabbing my things as quickly as I could.

I ran out of the library, ignoring Remus calling my name.

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I sighed, laying on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. I was falling asleep whether I liked it or not.

It had been a few hours since I ran out of the library and to my dormitory, and only ten minutes ago I decided it was alright for me to come down to the common room.

The entire time I was in the dormitory, I was wondering what would happen if Remus knew who I was, why I felt so attracted to him, why there was that strange connection to him that my wolf side was drawn to, and most of all why it had to be now I realized I was falling in love with him.

I sighed one last time before I fell asleep for the fist time in almost thirty six hours.

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I sighed, leaning against the tree by the lake when a cold breeze blew by, causing my to shiver and pull my coat tighter around me.

It had been almost a whole month since that day in the library and I had been avoiding Remus ever since. It was almost time for the holidays, only one week left.

But I still didn't know what I could even say to him.

"Ami, could I possibly er... Sit with you?" I heard the person I didn't want to talk to ask me. I froze, but I still nodded, scooting over in the snow. This was where he and I would always meet when we just wanted to sit and read or talk about nothing. "You've been avoiding me," he said. I hesitated before answering him. I already felt guilty enough without him reminding me.

"I'm sorry."

"I just want to know why," he said, leaning so he could see my face. I turned away.

"I can't," I told him.

"Why not?"

"I just can't, alright? You wouldn't understand."

He paused.

"Try me."

"I can't! Can't you _see_ that? I trust you! But that's what is stopping me. I can't trust anyone! Not _anyone_! My own _parents_ can't stand the sight of me because of this secret! And the fact I'm allowing myself to trust someone the way I have allowed myself with you scares me beyond anything! Just... You have to let me _be_, Remus," I said. I got up to leave, barely sparing him a glance.

If I spared him any more than that, I wouldn't have been able to leave him like that. Not with the look of hurt on his face.

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The full moon was tonight. I couldn't help myself as the sun dipped below the horizon. I left the common room, passing the Marauders. I thought I went by unnoticed, but boy was I wrong. As soon as I shut the portrait hole, James sprinted up the stairs of the boys' dormitory and grabbed his invisibility cloak along with the map him and the others made of Hogwarts. He sprinted back down, the other three waiting for him right outside the portrait hole.

"Let's go," James said. "She's headed for the Whomping Willow."

I was walking toward the willow. I didn't know the Marauders went to the shack every month at the full moon in order to get Remus out. How could I? I didn't know he was a werewolf.

Anyway, I had found the path from the willow to the Shrieking Shack a few weeks before, and now that I was going to turn into my wolf form, I thought it was an excellent idea for me to get off the grounds.

I threw a pebble, hitting the right root that made the willow freeze before running into the hole beneath the tree and going as fast as I could down the path, glad I wore the warmest clothes that mattered to me the least when the cold began seeping into my clothes.

When I arrived at the shack, I took off my shirt and my sweat pants leaving me in only my pair of underwear, folding my clothes and setting them on the window sill before I even thought about transforming. I lost too many sets of clothing already from the transformation. I went to the window, shivering. I stared out the window, basking in the last rays of the sun before the moon rose.

Suddenly, I head shuffling from behind me. I turned, transforming into my animagus form and growling. I was good at magic, but I wasn't looking forward to being caught all alone almost nude when it was so close to dark.

Besides, the full moon was messing with my head, turning me to my more wolfish instincts. I didn't want to be attacked by Greyback a second time and end up a full werewolf.

Needless to say, I was rather surprised when I saw the invisibility cloak slip off all four of the Marauders.


	3. Ch3 Truth

**Truth**

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**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

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**So thanks soooo much to MoonStarIsle for reviewing!**

**And I just want to say that I know their clothes are supposed to melt into their skin when they turn into their animagus from, but I thought it was more "LOL" worthy this way so MUAHAHAHAHAAAA! ;) **

**Hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think! :3**

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They were all frozen, staring at me. I let out a snarl that woke them up.

"A-Ami?" Sirius asked, shocked.

"Is... That you?" James asked. I let another growl escape, getting into a defensive position.

Suddenly, I heard a groan come from Remus and he doubled over. I whimpered, and I couldn't stop myself from going forward to be sure he was alright when I noticed something that answered the questions I've had of the connection I had with him.

He was transforming. He was a werewolf. I backed away, barking at the other three, trying to warn them to get out, but when I caught a glance of the full moon, my wolf half all but took over my human half and I snarled at them.

I could barely even recognize them anymore. Suddenly, the three humans were gone and in their places was a big black dog, a rat, and a stag.

I glanced at Remus.

He was the werewolf that had chased me twice.

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I woke up, now in my human form. I was in a place I didn't recognize as my room. It took me a few minutes before everything from the night before struck me like lightning.

I sat up quickly, shocked.

Remus was a werewolf. And last night was spent running around the house, trying to keep him from getting me.

The other three were animagi. They helped me whenever Remus got too close.

I knew their secret.

And they knew mine.

It wasn't until the sun rose that I had collapsed in exhaustion

The sun was still in the sky, showing I wasn't passed out for too long. I stood and realized I was completely nude. I wondered where the boys were, and then I thought they had probably gone back to the castle.

I decided it was about time for me to find my clothes before I got hypothermia. I was surprised I hadn't gotten it yet.

After a few minutes of searching and shivering, I found the room with my clothes on the windowsill. Too bad all four of the boys were sitting there, passed out all over the room.

I grinned wolfishly, realizing that if I had a camera, this would be some juicy blackmail.

All of them were in their human forms.

And all of them were as naked as I was.

My eyes lingered on Remus' body. It was thin, but he had rather defined muscles that must have been from the nights of running around. And he had a line of hair that led from his belly button down to... His er... Rather large er... Area, if you know what I mean. I felt my face heat up at the thought. I had to stop looking or I knew I'd begin thinking rather inappropriate things.

I walked across the room to the other side as quietly as I could so I could get changed without any of the boys waking.

Too bad I only got halfway there before I heard Sirius.

"Well, well, well, look at that gorgeous girl who's finally awake."

I glared at him, sitting on the ground pulling up my knees, using them as a cover.

When I looked toward him, I noticed the other three had woken up from his voice and they all were staring.

"And doesn't she have _quite_ the body?" he said with a wink, his eyes roaming my body.

"Nose down, Sirius. I'm not the only one without any clothes," I said to him, my blush disappearing and a smirk taking its place.

He looked down at himself, his eyes widening. He looked at the others and saw they as well had no clothes on and bust out laughing.

Peter sprang up and toward his clothes. They were probably the only set that wasn't tattered aside from my set that was set upon the windowsill.

He put them on faster than I thought humanly possible, his face bright red.

"We left our change of clothes in my rucksack in the doorway," James said.

"Oh? And who wants to go get it?" I asked, still smirking. All three of them blushed.

"You go get your clothes if it;s so easy to show your body!" Sirius said. "I wasn't able to see it all, anyway."

I glared at him and then realized if I didn't, this argument would take forever. I watched them for another moment.

"Fine," I said. I stood, holding my head as high as I could while exposing my entire body. I was trying to stop the blush that went across my cheeks when I felt all their eyes on me. I went over to my clothes, putting my large sweater on first, my sweatpants on afterward.

I turned to tell them it was their turn to go get dressed, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I was interrupted.

"Where did those scars come from, Ami?" Remus asked. I didn't answer for a second as I sat on the tattered couch.

"Go get dressed and get warmed up," I said, curling my legs under me, keeping my gaze on my lap.

I heard the three get up and move toward their clothes and I couldn't help sneaking another glance at Remus' body as he went to get his clothing, although I was sure to keep my eyes above his midsection and instead on his sculpted chest and arms.

I tore my eyes away, giving the other three boys privacy, despite the fact that they didn't give me the same courtesy.

They all sat down around me, Remus sitting next to me.

"I should have watched all of you get dressed to see how you like it," I grumbled.

"We're sorry, Ami," Remus said kindly. "We were just shocked about... Well, that-"

"That I'm technically a werewolf?" I asked.

"Yea," he said. There was a pause.

"You wanted to know where I had gotten the scars on my stomach," I said. "And just so you know, they're the from the same thing as the ones on my neck."

I looked up at all four boys, seeing them nod. I cleared my throat.

"In the summer after my second year, I was out during the full moon. I'm not completely sure why... I think it's because my animagus is a wolf... But I've always been compelled to go outside during a full moon. So I was outside, just running when I was attacked. It was a werewolf named... Fenrir Greyback." I felt Remus stiffen beside me. "He slashed my neck and my stomach open, but I was able to fight him off and run away. Fenrir cursed me so the cuts could never heal correctly. And because they were not tended to fast enough because it took almost a day to get back home, I ended up with more wolf-like qualities, meaning during the full moon, I all but lose control of myself. I become so wolf-like, I can't recognize anyone I care about. The only thing I'm awake enough to do is stop myself from attacking everyone and everything around me. I'm almost a werewolf, all because I was slashed by that bastard and because my animagus is a wolf already, the er... Side effects were merged with the abilities I already had. I never realized what bad effects my animagus could have on me until then."

No one spoke for what seemed like forever.

"Greyback?" Remus asked, still stiff.

"Yes... Why?" He looked at me and I realized. "Remus... I-I'm so sorry," I said, pulling him into a tight hug. He hugged me back, although he seemed surprised that I even wanted to touch him after last night.

"Did I hurt you at all?" I ge whispered.

"No," I said. It was only a small lie. I only had a bruise that was forming on my back from hitting the wall. I was glad the sun was still pretty low, or he would have seen it clear as day when I was standing nude as I got into my clothes earlier. I pulled away reluctantly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"The same reasons you didn't tell me," I said. I turned to the others.

"Why are you all-"

"To help Remus," James interrupted. "He's one of us, and so we changed so we could watch after him." I nodded in understanding. I looked at Remus. Straight into those eyes I had been avoiding looking at for the past month.

"You really have amazing friends, Remus. Don't give them up."

He stared right back into my eyes with as much intensity as I was holding with his.

"I wasn't planning on it," he said. He moved his hand, running it across my cheek. I leaned into his touch, sighing and closing my eyes. For a moment, we forgot the other three were even there.

"Ami?" I heard Sirius ask. I snapped out of my trance and looked over to him. "You really have a nice body, are you sure you don't want to go for Quidditch with legs like that?" I got up and smacked him across the back of his head, making him scowl and glare at me.

"I'm never going to let you see me in such a compromising position again, do you hear me?" I hissed at him, allowing a growl to emit from my throat. I heard Remus chuckle behind me.

I went back to sit down next to Remus and we sat there talking about how we ended up the way we did for hours thanking God it was a Saturday.


	4. Ch4 and Author's Note

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long, Junior year is hard! And I don't mean to make excuses, but two kids in the school district pretty close to me died and two more are in the hospital, and many of my good friends have been effected by it, which is really difficult. To add on to that as well, the shooting in Connecticut has really effected my favorite teacher who I've gotten to be good friends with. One of the teachers who were shot first after stepping into the hall was one of his friends from college. So I've been having a difficult time with friends and family is (as always) hell, so I've been working through it, but I thought it was time to give you all a little writing action! ;D**

**Anyways, a few days ago, I turned 16 and I got this letter from my friend who has read a lot of my work, and she said I was one of the best writers she knew. I was still skeptical, although it made me think that maybe I should keep going. Then when I went onto my e-mail and I saw all of the reviews and the favorites and follows, I decided that I couldn't let you all down! And I thought about it some more, and I realized that it didn't even matter if I had one fan or a hundred, that even if only one of you liked my story and you wanted to keep reading, I couldn't let you down. Not any of you. I love you all so much and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, so now that I have some time, I'm going to write a little bit.**

**Thank you all so much for supporting me and being so patient to read my work again.**

**I'm thankful for every single one of you.**

**Enjoy!**

**With love,**  
**Em**

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"Ami?" I heard from behind me.

"Yes, Remus?" I asked, turning to see all of the Marauders walking into the common room from the boys corridor and surrounding me on the couches and chairs that surrounded the fire place.

"May I?" he asked, motioning to the open spot next to me on the couch. Lily was on the other side of me, and I had just told her that I told them my secret and she wasn't all too happy about it.

"Of course!" I said. I was actually really

"We were wondering-meaning all of us-if you and Lily wanted to spend some time with us over Christmas?" I felt my heart sink, and the smile I gained on my face when my friends came around disappeared as I looked around at all of them.

"Why would we-" Lily began when she noticed I wasn't saying anything.

"Rem-er guys, we'd love to, only... I won't have a way to get there, and Lily has made it very clear that she doesn't feel too comfortable there without me."

"Oh," Remus said, looking a little rejected. I looked around at the guys who went from joking around with each other to solemn-faced boys who looked as though they just lost their favorite racing broom.

"Wait a second-What do you mean you won't have any way to get there?" Sirius asked. Suddenly, they all perked up in interest and looked at me. I shrunk under their gaze.

"I... W-well..."

"She normally stays with me," Lily said. I smiled a little at her. "Only, I'm going to Asia with my parents and my sister for vacation. They wanted to treat me because they're proud."

"Why don't you go home?" James asked. I looked at my lap. Remus put his hand on my leg in support. I was could tell he put the pieces together based on my outburst by the lake a few days before, and I was really happy for his support. Lily didn't say anything this time. Instead, she let me explain this one.

"My parents hate me. They don't want to say it, but they do. Every year, I get a letter from my mother telling me that they made plans during the vacation and were unable to rent space for me as well." I couldn't help but reach down into my school pack at my feet and grab the small stack of thirteen letters from my parents that have collected over the years. There were three per year for the last four years (Christmas break, Spring vacation, and summer), and the one that arrived for me only hours before. It actually made me tear up, because that was the reason Lily had made plans with her parents. My parents normally have the courtesy to tell me a few weeks before, but this year they waited so long I actually thought that I'd be going home for once. "This year was the first year they actually said it was because of me. And they still said it indirectly. I only just got it today, so I told Lily she could make plans because I thought I was going home." I looked at the letter in my hands before I sighed, standing and grabbing my things. "I'm going to go study, though. I don't really feel up to being around people," I said with a fake giggle. As usual, I was pretending I was okay even though all of my friends knew I was hurting.

"What about supper?" Lily called up after me.

"I've got too much work to do, love!" I shouted back, erasing all signs of tears that were left in my voice.

~:~:~:~:~

I sat on the window sill. It was only 32 hours until the entirety of Hogwarts left for winter vacation. Two o'clock in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I kept reading the letters from my mother over and over again. Every single one. I just couldn't understand it. Why did they hate me? What have I done?

I sighed, taking my current book called _The Fault in Our Stars_ by John Green as I walked to the couch and plopped down. I rubbed my eyes, getting rid of the tears as best as I could before making another futile attempt at clearing my mind and focusing on my attention on my book.

It was another hour of bated breath for my friends before I fell asleep.

~:~:~:~:~

**Lily's POV**

Finally, she stopped tossing and turning at a few minutes before three. I only waited for another quarter hour before tip toeing towards her spot on the couch. I had to know what the letter specifically said. She never said how she knew her parents didn't want her there because they "hated" her, and she never let me see the letters. I had to know what was being said. Not because I didn't believe her, but because I had to know what my best friend was going through.

It was funny though, because as soon as I reached her stack of letters, I heard a "psssssstttt!" come from the direction of the boys' dormitory. And who else would it be other than the Marauders?

"What are you doing?" I whisper-yelled to them.

"We wanted to know what was going on between Ami and her mother!" Sirius whisper-yelled back.

"No!" I shot back, cradling the letters to myself.

"Why not?" James asked.

"It's private you gits!"

"Well you're reading it!"

"I'm her best friend!"

"Some best fried you are, going through her private things!"

"Well I want to know!"

"Oi," Remus stepped in. "Do you want to wake her up or something? Just let us read the most recent letter."

I hesitated for a moment. _She trusted them with information about her... I_ssue_ and they know about her parents,_ I thought._ I guess it wouldn't hurt to read one._

I reached into the stack and pulled out the most recent one, handing it to Remus who stepped forward and took it gently from my hands before ushering us all forward to get by the fire so he would have light to read, since he had forgotten his wand upstairs. He cleared his throat.

"Amelia,-" Remus started.

"Her own mother doesn't use her nickname?" Sirius asked, still whispering.

"Apparently not, now hush up," James said.

"Amelia, I understand that this letter is a little later than usual, but yet again, your father and I have arranged plans for he and I to go to a foreign country for the holidays. We're going to Bulgaria, and we're going to see the Christmas Quidditch Match while we're there-"

"So she not only writes the letter _three days_ before holiday, but she also shoves in her face that they're going to watch the Christmas Match in Bulgaria?" James said, shocked. Remus just went ahead and kept reading.

"We understand it must be difficult to have not been home in over four years-"

"It's actually been _four years_?" Peter asked. "_Four_?" But Remus just kept going as though entranced by the words written to my best friend.

"But you have to understand how difficult it is for us. Your issue has cost us a great deal of stability and serenity-"

"So they're not letter come bloody home? Even to have Christmas with her family?" Sirius asked.

"She didn't do anything wrong!" James added.

Remus kept going.

"Within our family. We're having another child and we're afraid you may hurt him or her, so we'd appreciate if you didn't come home for another little while."

"They're what!?" James Sirius, and I asked at the same time. Peter just looked pale.

"We do hope you understand. You always do. From, Allyson." It was silent for a moment as Remus continued to stare at the page. "Her own mother doesn't address herself as her mother. There isn't a single endearing word in this letter. How can they do this to her?" He said slowly. I could tell the thought that her parents really did hate her for something she not only couldn't help, but also hated herself for really bothered him. And I don't blame him.

But I knew that he of all people understood what it felt like to be rejected and unloved; hated for something that couldn't be changed.

The look on his face actually broke my heart. His heart was shattered.

"What the bloody hell are you doing with that?" we heard from behind us. We jumped and whipped around to see Ami up and awake, staring at us.

Well, everyone except Remus. He stayed right where he was, staring at the paper in his hands.

"Ami!" I said. "We er... Well..." Remus turned to her slowly.

"Can everyone leave us alone for a moment please?" Remus asked. We all stayed still, shocked for a moment when we saw actual tears in his eyes. "Please?" he repeated, his eyes still on hers.

I stood first, before setting the rest of the letters on the table and jogging up the steps. I heard several other sets of feet running toward the steps of the boys' dormitory.

As I opened the door to my dorm, I flopped down on my bed, thinking about Ami's mother and father.

~:~:~:~:~

**Ami's POV**

I stayed silent as everyone ran to their dorms. I was shocked to see there were tears in his eyes. I almost couldn't even look at him.

"Ami," he said. Now I really couldn't I couldn't look at him. I stared at the floor instead. "Ami, look at me please." Hearing him beg something so simple yet so difficult was something I couldn't resist, although I wish I could have because when I looked at him, I saw something in him that I knew I was just wishing was there. "Why?"

I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't even fully understand the question. "Why?" I repeated, confused. He got closer, only a foot and a half away from me. He looked me right in the eyes.

"Why don't you let anyone love you like you need them to?" he asked, a few tears spilling over. That did it for me, tears were streaming down my face at twice the speed his were.

"Who can love a horrific monster, a maddened dog, a... A... Mangled girl who is scarred for life in more ways than one?" I asked him, my eyes boring into his. "I know you've asked similar questions about yourself, Remus," I whispered. "I know your pain, and I hate to say it, but I wish I never had to suffer as you do."

"Ami," he said, "what you suffer from is something I never knew could even happen. Your family... Is something I never knew could exist."

"Remus, please stop, I hate thinking about thi-" he cut me off when he reached out to me and held my cheek in his hand.

"Stay with me," he said. It was so quiet that I thought I misheard him.

"What?"

"Stay with me. My family has open doors and open hearts. They love me, and they'll love you as well. I promise you, you'll really be safe." I thought for a moment, my mouth gaping open, the tears almost stopped from the shock. I began to shake my head from the shock, and he held my face with both of his warm hands that made my skin feel as though fire was coursing through my body, emanating from the places his hands touched my face. I held his wrists as he spoke, "Ami, please. I need to know you're safe with the people who love you."

I stared into his brown eyes that had come to mean so much to me and I nodded. He broke out into a smile, his tears now bittersweet as he remembered the pain and anguish he knew I was feeling as well and as he relaxed knowing I would be abiding by his wishes as he embraced me, holding on as though I was his lifeline.

We just sat there holding each other until we fell asleep.

~:~:~:~:~

"Come on, Ami, we're going to miss the train if we don't hurry up!" Lily shouted up the stairs to me. "Severus is probably already waiting for us in our compartment!"

"I know, I know, I'm just checking one last time!" I shouted back.

"You've checked one last time at least fifteen times!" she scolded as I ran down the stairs.

"You can never be too careful, my friend," I told her, clapping her on the shoulder as I walked past her, heading out the portrait hole. I was halfway down the stairs when Lily caught up.

"Did you just do what I thought you did?" She asked incredulously.

"It depends on what you think I did," I told her.

"Oh my God, Ami, you haven't had this much cheekiness to you since second year! You're turning more and more into a Marauder with every passing second, I can practically see the transformation!"

I just stopped in my tracks and turned to her.

"That's not so much a bad thing, love," I told her with a wink before turning on my heel and continuing the walk to the train. I could practically hear her roll her eyes.

~:~:~:~:~

"Ami?" I heard someone call. I opened my eyes and turned to the source of the noise.

"Hm?" I asked.

"We only have about two hours before we get to the station, and I'm pretty sure the boys want to have some time with you," Lily said. I saw Sev roll his eyes.

"Aw, come on, Sev. They're not that bad anymore. They've grown up a little," I said.

"Yeah, to you," he said with a scoff.

"And to you," I said, getting a little defensive. "When was the last time they used magic on you?"

"A few months ago," he replied grudgingly.

"They still tease you, and I know you're upset about it, but please, Sev," I said as I sat down next to him. "You need to understand how much their friendship means to me. The only people who are still teasing you is James and Sirius, and most of the time, they don't even mean it. Peter and Remus... Well, Remus at least, has actually had arguments with James and Sirius about it. He's defending you."

"But what about the others, Ami?" he asked. "You're friends with the others as well."

"I may be friends with the rest of them, but you know I'll never agree with what they do," I told him.

He looked away.

"Sev, you'll always be one of my best friends. And I promise you that I'll never stop defending you. Lily and I really do care about you. We've been friends since we were kids. That's not just going to end because of the Marauders."

I gave him a sideways hug, laying my head on his shoulder like I used to do all the time when I was comforting him after James and Sirius did something obnoxious.

And I smiled when he turned and hugged me back.

**~:~:~:~:~**

**Alright guys, I know that you'll hate hearing this, but I think I'm going to put this story on hold. :(**

**I love you all so much, and that's actually why I'm doing it. This chapter was really horrible, and it took me like... A week to write. I know that I do my best work when I'm inspired, so I don't want to finish this story and just crank out some more crap (excuse my language) like this. I know this isn't my best work, and I had to basically force myself to finish this one chapter.**

**Because I love you guys, I want you all to read only the work that I know is worth reading, which is why it was so difficult to post this chapter. I know I'll find my inspiration again, so hold tight! But until then, I have found some inspiration in BBC's Merlin, so I'm beginning a story that I think you'll like. So if you'd like, you can go check that out.**

**If you review, I'll probably find some inspiration, and if anyone would like to PM me with some ideas, all ideas are welcome! I warn you, I may not use the idea, however it may help me find my footing again.**

**I'm so sorry, but there is still hope!**

**Please review and check out my Merlin fanfic!**

**Much love and hope for the future of this story,**

**Em**


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